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Submitted on
May 27, 2009
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amidst a long walk
to nowhere special
I saw her
plucking wishes
        in a field of battered
fantasies

she had tomorrow eyes
that housed more heart
than an elephant's chest

that made my soul squeal
in vibrant saxophone tones
(spitting wild
electron-
            songs)like high-
pitch moans of a boy soprano
in the unfamiliar flash
of my own
ghosts;

I was dead
in my tracks;

she said 'hello.'
4 years later
she said 'goodbye.'

and I haven't heard
          my soul
      sing
since.
#
Add a Comment:
 
:icontorturedremembrance:
"she had tomorrow eyes
that housed more heart
than an elephant's chest"


Gold.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
Bronze at best.

okayokay


Gold.
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:iconshadowedacolyte:
I don't like the spacing at the end, but there's a lot here I really do like--"tomorrow eyes" and the end, especially--but the "dream" bit at the start is somewhat cliche. You finish strong, though.
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:iconpsychedelic-joi:
wow. this is amazing. :)
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:iconoldest-boy:
thankyou




























readmore
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:iconpseudometry:
I love all the sounds and sound references in that central strophe: very beautiful penwork (or keyboard work), my man.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
thankyavermuch.
Reply
:iconendless-rainbow:
Endless-RainBow Jun 1, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome ;)
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