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amidst a long walk
to nowhere special
I saw her
plucking wishes
        in a field of battered
fantasies

she had tomorrow eyes
that housed more heart
than an elephant's chest

that made my soul squeal
in vibrant saxophone tones
(spitting wild
electron-
            songs)like high-
pitch moans of a boy soprano
in the unfamiliar flash
of my own
ghosts;

I was dead
in my tracks;

she said 'hello.'
4 years later
she said 'goodbye.'

and I haven't heard
          my soul
      sing
since.
#
Add a Comment:
 
:icontorturedremembrance:
TorturedRemembrance Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2009
"she had tomorrow eyes
that housed more heart
than an elephant's chest"


Gold.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2009
Bronze at best.

okayokay


Gold.
Reply
:iconshadowedacolyte:
ShadowedAcolyte Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2009
I don't like the spacing at the end, but there's a lot here I really do like--"tomorrow eyes" and the end, especially--but the "dream" bit at the start is somewhat cliche. You finish strong, though.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2009
so true
Reply
:iconpsychedelic-joi:
Psychedelic-joi Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2009
wow. this is amazing. :)
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2009
thankyou




























readmore
Reply
:iconpseudometry:
pseudometry Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2009   Writer
I love all the sounds and sound references in that central strophe: very beautiful penwork (or keyboard work), my man.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2009
thankyavermuch.
Reply
:iconendless-rainbow:
Endless-RainBow Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome ;)
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2009
thanks.
Reply
:iconnaivematurity:
NaiveMaturity Featured By Owner May 29, 2009
beautifully evocative
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2009
thank you.
Reply
:iconnaivematurity:
NaiveMaturity Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2009
you're welcome. :)
it's refreshing
Reply
:iconmidnight-december:
midnight-december Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
hellogoodbye.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
yerp.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner May 28, 2009   Writer
agreed with :iconottersandsky: about squealing boy soprano
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
haha
Reply
:icongarnet-43:
Garnet-43 Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
This poem imparts a peculiar feeling. Sad by somehow satisfying.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
yeah; there is a pain-
free alternate version
to this.
Reply
:iconottersandsky:
ottersandsky Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
that made my soul squeal
in vibrant saxophone tones
(spitting wild
electron-
songs)like high-
pitch moans of a boy soprano
in the unfamiliar flash
of my own
ghosts;


ees le beautiful. I like all the different sounds smushed together, especially the boy soprano noises.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
thanks boobutt.
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner May 28, 2009   Writer
woke up this morning
got yourself a gun

youjerseybastard
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
hahaha;
you dick.
soprano
falsetto
cheerietto?
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner May 28, 2009   Writer
basso profundo
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
telemundo.
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner May 28, 2009   Writer
olé!
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
haha!

your 'e' has some shit
on its face.
Reply
:iconpixiespoisonedpen:
PixiesPoisonedPen Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
My heart broke in the last stanza... superb

:heart:
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 28, 2009
you're too kind.
Reply
:icongetyourgrip:
GetYourGrip Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
i felt a strong energy in this one.
"I was dead
in my tracks;"

you clever suntimuh bitch you.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
thanks babyboy.
Reply
:icongetyourgrip:
GetYourGrip Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
no prob, pops.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
haha.
Reply
:icongetyourgrip:
GetYourGrip Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
by "this one" i meant this poem,
not those lines alone.
Reply
:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner May 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
ohh, Eric. :heart: those little candy hearts on the tips of your fingers. <3
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
you noticed those?
Reply
:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner May 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:nod: yupyup. they are lovely and write lovely things!
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
:heart:
Reply
:iconloveafteritrains:
loveafteritrains Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
I don't know why, but I smiled the whole time I read this.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
glad you could dig it.
Reply
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