Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
13th chorus

we played strip-poker hand by
hand and in that nervous light
our clothes fell
her eyes    
                 fell

into a healthy glimpse
of just how ugly I was;

'cause there are scars
behind my pretty poems

and a heart with muscle-
memory, beating the cadence
to which dying-soldiers march.

draped in cardio-
vascular bandaids
I taste-test every apple
to make sure it isn't poison

                 but she bit
just to bite.


14th chorus

she wanted static-
cling and firework dreams
but I was flesh
and bone
and getting used to
alone

and as I pulled her perfectly-
pale frame on top of me

her eyes took the glow from mine
between gasps; a tear (of purely
misguided moisture)rolled south

and she cried
while my tear-ducts
heaved spirits
from a well
that went dry
years ago.

15th chorus

there is a feeling to fail

there is a feeling to study the floor
there is a feeling to see ugly in the mirror
there is a feeling to see it smiling

there is a feeling to digest shivers
as arm hairs raise
in the company of spirits
that only watch.

there is a feeling
that washes over you
when an angel cries
and you realize
one tear is enough
to drown you

16th chorus

there is a feeling
to hold out
for a miracle
that blows up
in your face.

there is a feeling
to see the stars up close
and know you weren't meant
to be that high.

there is a feeling
to sit alone
in a dank motel room
listening
           to traffic pass
and helicopters whirl
knowing
something died
and unsure
of what it was.

17th chorus

I'd have her know
that the difference
between
         an expensive mistake
and a valuable
lesson

is not in that
busty heart
of hers

or in that butterfly nest
she called a gut

or in the gears
always turning
behind her
beautiful
face,

but in the soul
those
stained church-
glass eyes
have shown
(me)
silhouettes of.

18th chorus

Neruda,
you fucking sap,
       I could really use
your help right now.

I trusted my gut
until it was coerced
to lie
      by the bias
of bloated butterflies
and my heart has too low
of an IQ
to make up
                   my mind.

you've left us
with an ideology of
                                love
               that no one
can live up to;

'cause stars
will see
the headlights
of cars

yet
such two lights
may never
share
      a single shine.


19th chorus

something tells me
you found that love
and took it with you

and hid it in the clouds
carved by airplanes
and left to lay
beneath
orion

or sold it
to Van Gogh
for his other ear
and a few
good paintings.


or traded it
to Einstein
for the square-
root of infinity

so he could
then devise
           equations
in which two whole numbers
could reach
their local maximum
as an ordered pair
and never
diverge.

damn you Pablo,
something tells me
you found that love

and took it
with you.
this is part 3

check out part1 [ here. ]
and part2 [ here. ]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconshadowedacolyte:
ShadowedAcolyte Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2009
There's a lot that's good here--calling out to Neruda, "just to bite", the entire 19th bit--but there's a lot that's not, that's just filler in between the good stuff. As with many of your works, I feel like raking it over and trimming away the chaff would produce something as true and as honest and much, much, much more intense.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2009
keep your rake on your side of the fence...
you're a good neighbor; don't get me wrong...
but I love my leaves.
Reply
:iconshadowedacolyte:
ShadowedAcolyte Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2009
Oh, don't worry. I'm far too lazy to rake my own yard when it's in need of editing, much less zealously take it to yours.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2009
word.
Reply
:iconpsychedelic-joi:
Psychedelic-joi Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2009
man, this is fucking awesome. you're just a great poet. that's all there is to it.
"there is a feeling
that washes over you
when an angel cries
and you realize
one tear is enough
to drown you"
Incredible! As usual. I love reading your poetry. Relates so much to my life. Thank you for sharing with us.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2009
thank































you
Reply
:iconxxduckyxx:
xXduckyXx Featured By Owner May 27, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
and again love truly bloody amazing
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
thanks again; fo'real.
Reply
:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner May 26, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
this is sooooooooooo... just... so beautiful and amazing. im so glad im not alone when i see those stars in the headlights of cars. I smile when i see them from a distance, rolling dwn the hill on highways at night, on my way to work.

This is possibly my favourite of yours.
I've only said this to one other person (and you know who it is) but I really do feel like this when i read plath and this piece of yours.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
wow; thank
you.
Reply
:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner May 26, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ERIC!!!! Ohmygoddddddddddddddd...*heart-shovel-fist-*
:heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
THIS! thissssss oh this!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 27, 2009
<3
Reply
:iconottersandsky:
ottersandsky Featured By Owner May 25, 2009
Freakin' amazing. Really, Eric. Every one of these just gets better and better, and aching and dark and honest. My favourite parts are these:

our clothes fell
her eyes
fell

draped in cardio-
vascular bandaids
I taste-test every apple
to make sure it isn't poison

but she bit
just to bite.

or in the gears
always turning
behind her
beautiful
face,

and hid it in the clouds
carved by airplanes
and left to lay
beneath
orion
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 25, 2009
glad you could dig it;
I'm almost at chorus 50 right now.
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner May 23, 2009   Writer
"hymns for heathens"
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
?
Reply
:iconthroughangelseyes7:
throughangelseyes7 Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
this stings me in a sortofsad way. (in a way that makes me both want to read it again and again and also delete it) this touched deep.

#17 = :heart::heart::heart:
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
it tried to touch me deep but
poked out the other side of me.
Reply
:iconthroughangelseyes7:
throughangelseyes7 Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
after sitting her with my head on my hands for five minutes, i still cant think of a damn thing to say.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
well then it's a good thing
I don't expect you to.



you know;

I wrote a bit more about you,
about your friends, about Mall of America,
about the tattoo experience, about Burnsville
about the whore and the drunks I met at Hooters....

and about the feelings and things the 'Minnesota experience' provided;

but I'm saving it for this book that's going to be released in Late July.

perhaps you'll buy a copy?
Reply
:iconthroughangelseyes7:
throughangelseyes7 Featured By Owner May 24, 2009
of course i will.
Reply
:icontheobviouschild:
TheObviousChild Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
13 is magic.

I love so much of this, but particularly the little hinges that meld all these together.

I don't think we can fit the whole series, but can we negotiate putting this selection into the pamphlet?
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
yes, of course we can;
check your dA notes.
Reply
:iconxxdominoe:
xxdominoe Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
I'm captured by every word. Good job
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
thank you.
Reply
:iconbetweenthepages:
betweenthepages Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
16th <3
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
<3
Reply
:iconwrite-it-out:
write-it-out Featured By Owner May 23, 2009   Writer
I could have been enamored of each chorus of this by itself.

But as they are all strung together, I love them all that many times over.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
awesome; thank you.
Reply
:icongetyourgrip:
GetYourGrip Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
absolutely fan-fucking-tastic,
every last chorus.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
thanks my man;

I am currently on chorus 32 of this project;
I will stop around 50.
Reply
:icongetyourgrip:
GetYourGrip Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
beautiful.
keep 'em comin'.
Reply
:iconfickle-writing:
fickle-writing Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
there is a feeling
to sit alone
in a dank motel room
listening
to traffic pass
and helicopters whirl
knowing
something died
and unsure
of what it was.

That would be hope. Usually.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
so that's what it was.
Reply
:iconapocalypticdaydream:
ApocalypticDayDream Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
This is postively mind-blowing.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
thank you so much.
Reply
:iconapocalypticdaydream:
ApocalypticDayDream Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
My pleasure!
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner May 22, 2009   Writer
"there is a feeling
to hold out
for a miracle
that blows up
in your face."

righteous.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
amen.
Reply
:iconnunheh:
nunheh Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
I'll re-read this a couple of times before I either say something or not, but your first line brought
back, again, a card game we used to play called "Knuckles". I forget the way the cards went, but if you won the hand you'ld get to slam a deck of cards is a scraping fashion, over the losers clenched fist knuckles, five times. If you drew blood, you could whack him five more times, and likewise if he flinched.

Evocative stuff as always.
Reply
:iconnunheh:
nunheh Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
One of my many flaws is illustrated when I listen to a speaker at an AA meeting....instead of listening to them, I start telling my own story in my head. It's easy to 'go places away'.

There's not much to say except that your poems are generally 'evocative' as far as I'm concerned. I'm not a \judge of most things artistic due to a lack of formal education. I tend to swear by the the phrase I like, "Well, I don't know nothin' about art, but I know what I like." And I like to say that in a southern accent. Intensifies the disgust on the faces of the better sort.

But things that evoke are what I like, and as I mentioned on a different subject, getting some kind of reaction is something I value far more than fine technique, although that is usually useful to posess in order to get a reaction that you intend. (And any old reaction I'd probably not aspire to.)

The reference to Pablo Nerudo was lost on me...I know the name but can't recall anything I've read by him. Sometimes you have to be a poet among poets. A Russian philosopher named Shestov wrote that a man who knew everything would have no alternative but to put a gun to his head. I wonder how he knew that.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
I've played a similar game myself;
called the same thing "Knuckles" but
it did not involve cards; other than in
the second set of principles you described.

later on; I hope you get past the first
stanza/chunk/chorus/strophe

as I know you have a mind like mine
that goes places away.

you'll be back.
Reply
:iconnunheh:
nunheh Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
Past the first part the first time, but I like to think before I react. Doesn't always do me good though.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
I can identify.
Reply
:iconetre-aime:
etre-aime Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
I taste-test every apple
to make sure it isn't poison

but she bit
just to bite.


:nod:
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
yeahp.
Reply
:iconsugarfawn:
sugarfawn Featured By Owner May 22, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
there is a feeling
that washes over you
when an angel cries
and you realize
one tear is enough
to drown you

16th chorus

there is a feeling
to hold out
for a miracle
that blows up
in your face.

there is a feeling
to see the stars up close
and know you weren't meant
to be that high.



god, you have a way with words~
that part got to me big time.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
I'm glad you
could find a piece
of me
to call home.
Reply
:iconcornerstoneascetic:
CornerstoneAscetic Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
I liked that part too. Those damn miracles especially. It wouldn't be so bad if they would come quicker, or if the explosions were smaller.
Reply
:iconoldest-boy:
oldest-boy Featured By Owner May 22, 2009
SO true.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconoldest-boy: More from oldest-boy


Featured in Collections

Poetry by thetaoofchaos

Favourites Spotlight by Alyvana

WORDS by PixiesPoisonedPen


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
May 22, 2009
File Size
4.7 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
748
Favourites
23 (who?)
Comments
58
×